Fear
by Vixen12089
Summary: Rin, is marrying Sesshoumaru. Kagome feels guilty because of something that Sesshoumaru does to her and she's afraid to tell anyone. The only solace she gets is in her diary. KagInu KikInu SessRin maybe SanMir later. Rated mostly for later chapters.
1. Fear Poem

Disclaimer: I wrote this poem. So please don't take it. If you want to use it, please ask first and give me a little credit. Thanks:o)

Fear

Fear, fear is a wonderful thing.

It can keep you out of trouble,

But it can also get you into trouble.

Some people can have too much fear;

Fear for loved ones,

Fear to do the right thing,

Fear of harming someone,

There is much to fear,

Yet people think it makes you weak.

People are very stupid in this way.

It makes you strong.

But people don't see that.

Most people don't see the good that fear can bring,

They see only the bad.

I know both sides of fear,

It's not always my favorite emotion,

Because it always means change for me,

And it's not always good.


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-yasha, much as I'd like to. The poem 'Fear' is my own work, though, so please don't use it without asking and giving me a little credit. "Quotes"talking 'Single Quotes'thoughts _Dear Diary_entries from Kagome's diaryXXXX scene change

**Fear**

**Chapter 1**

"Sesshoumaru, what about my sister" Sesshoumaru looks at the girl he is holding coldly. "What about her" "I don't feel..." He can smell her fear. "I will leave you now. I do not like you being afraid of me." The young girl looks at him sadly, her eyes full of guilt. He is aroused, but if he ignores it long enough it will go away. "Thank you." He hears her whisper those two words softly behind him, but it doesn't help. He walks through the doorway and calls for his horse. He had decided that it is time for a ride.

"Sesshoumaru is so sweet! He has brought me flowers again. I can't wait until I marry him. Oh! You could marry his brother, Kagome. Then we'd be living together again." Kagome looks at her older sister Rin. (A/N: I know that Kagome is supposed to be older then Rin, but it wouldn't have worked in this story.) She feels guilty, but she can't tell her sister what had been happening. She couldn't tell her sister, her kind loving sister that her betrothed, Sesshoumaru, was coming onto her younger sister.

It had been happening for a while, but she had been too afraid to say anything. Mostly because she didn't think anyone would believe her and, also, because she didn't want to hurt her sister. And it would hurt her sister if she ever told. So she feared the day when her sister found out.

_Dear Diary, July 12, 1501_

_I was sitting in front of the fire this morning because I couldn't sleep. It's probably because I feel so guilty. I don't know why Sesshoumaru does it, but he came onto me again. I want to tell someone, but I'm too afraid of hurting Rin. You know as well as I do that I liked the attention in the beginning. I had taken something from my sister and that had never before been possible. It had always been, 'why can't you be more like your sisters, Kagome?' And I could never be like them. I have always been too loud. Too interested in school. Too much, period. I have never been as good as them at sewing, calligraphy, or anything else that I'm supposed to know. For me it's always been reading, or archery, or sneaking out and climbing a tree. But you already know that. I fear the day when my sister finds out, but at the same time, I long for it. I wish I had someone to tell this to, besides you that is, Diary. I wish I had someone that was only mine; that only loved me. But that could never happen. I wish it could, but it's just a childish dream. I've tried to forget it, but I can't. What am I to do?_

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"Why do I have to mate! Just because your want to give up your freedom, doesn't mean that I do! Fuck! I'm only 17! I'm too young to settle down to a wife and children. You've had your couple of hundred years of fun, yet you won't let me have mine! Damn it! You're ordering me to mate! You're not even letting me pick my own mate! I don't even know the stupid girl" Sesshoumaru looks at his half-brother coldly and Inu-yasha stops his tirade. "Regardless of whether or not you want to mate, you will mate with Lady Rin's sister, Lady Kagome. She is a nice girl and quite beautiful, if a little bit too opinionated." Inu-yasha glares at Sesshoumaru. "If you like her so much, why don't you mate with her yourself?" "If she was older, and more like her sister, I would." That stops Inu-yasha's ranting and he runs out of the house and into the forest.

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'Stupid Sesshoumaru! Who does he think he is? He has no right to order me to mate. Besides, I probably won't even like the girl. Especially if she's like Kikyo used to say. He closes his eyes and remembers.

**Flashback**

"Hello, my love." Kikyo hugs Inu-yasha. She looks sad and they sit down on the small, grassy hill. "What's wrong, Kikyo?" She looks at Inu-yasha and smiles sadly. "Oh, nothing much. I just miss my family, especially my twin, Kagome. My parents disowned me after I refused to marry the person that they wanted. I wanted to become a miko, and they wanted me to marry Lord Onigumo, and after he died, his cousin, Lord Naraku. Because I knew that if I married I could never be a miko, so they disowned me." "What was your sister like?" Kikyo smiles softly and leans against Inu-yasha. He puts his arms around her and holds her loosely. "She was my exact opposite. She probably still is. When I was off practicing my manners, she was off climbing a tree, or sneaking into the village in order to play with the boys. She was always really stubborn, and she probably still is. It was funny.

"She'd never use the same way to get out twice. One time she'd dress like a village boy, another she'd sneak over the wall. You could never predict what she would do next. That's another thing about her that will probably never change. She was always my favorite sister. She was the only one that ever understood me. She was the one who helped me escape before I could be forced into marriage. She and Kaede were the only people in my family that I loved. She used to hate it when Mother would ask her why she couldn't be more like Rin, or Kaede, or even me. Of course, I doubt that she's being compared to me anymore."

**Flashback**

'Kikyo...Why did you have to go after that stupid demon on the one night that I couldn't protect you? "If you had just waited until dawn, I could have killed it for you and I would have turned into a human for you. We could have married, we could have been happy.' He starts to make his way back home. 'Sesshoumaru's going to be pissed at me for being gone so long, but fuck it. I don't care.' He reaches his castle and goes inside.


	3. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-yasha, much as I'd like to. The poem 'Fear' is my own work, though, so please don't use it without asking and giving me a little credit. Also, the character 'Milan' is my own creation. So, same goes as the poem. "Quotes"talking; 'I don't know what these are called'thoughts; _Dear Diary_entries from Kagome's diary

Attention: To all my loyal readers, this is a revised edition and I changed a couple of minor things. Mostly just slight details, spelling mistakes, and grammar mistakes. I hope you enjoy.

Fear 

**Chapter Two**

_Dear Diary,July 14, 1501_

_Momma has told me that I am to marry Lord Sesshoumaru's brother. I already know that he had a hand in that. I remember Momma telling me that I was too young to marry when I asked her last week. Yet now, I am to marry the brother of the man who has caused me to fear so much. I wish Kikyo was still alive. I could have told her and I wouldn't have to be suffering from this guilt. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I know only that if my Rin were ever to find out, it would hurt her. If I'm not careful, then Fluffy will notice my loss of weight. I cannot allow that. He would get suspicious. I must go now, for I have no time left. Milan is calling me. It's time for my lessons and as much as I'd like to, I cannot afford to sneak out._

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"Lady Kagome. You are to meet your betrothed, Lord Inu-yasha today. Surely your maid can find something more appropriate then _that_." Kagome's governess, Milan looks at Kagome sternly. "I suggest you go back up to your room and have your maid pick out something more suitable. No, I'll go with you. You can never trust the maids to know what to pick." Kagome sadly walks back up the stairs. She still wore black most of the time and was always getting yelled at for it. Milan follows Kagome up the stairs and they turn into Kagome's room. Milan starts going through Kagome's clothes as Kagome sits on her bed. Milan pulls out a beautiful blue dress and Kagome gets a stubborn look in her eyes. 'Much as she would look beautiful in it, she would never wear it.' She sadly puts the dress back and instead pulls out a very low cut black one. It has a low swoop neck and a matching corset.

She gives it to the maid, Sango and watches as the maid starts to undress Kagome, but Kagome pushes her hands away and undresses herself. She puts on the kirtle and Sango pulls the strings of her corset tight and starts to tie it. Milan pushes Sango out of the way and pulls the corset tighter. It tightens a few inches more and Milan glares at Sango, and ties it as tight as she can. Sango grabs the dress and puts it over Kagome's head. "Kagome? Have you lost weight?" Kagome sighs and has an annoyed expression on her face. "Yes, that is why Sango didn't tighten the corset as much as you did." "Hmp. You should be proud that you've lost weight. You were getting a bit too pudgy for a while there." She unties the corset and hands one string to a startled Sango. "Here Sango, pull. Let's see if we can get this any tighter." They both pull as hard as they can and the corset tightens about another couple of inches. They tie it and Kagome slips on her shoes. Sango puts up Kagome's hair as Milan watches and they walk back downstairs for dinner.

Inu-yasha gasps as he sees a replica of Kikyo come down the stairs. 'This must be Kagome. She looks exactly like Kikyo. Only thing is different though, she's skinnier then Kikyo ever was.' He looks confused for a moment when he realizes that she is wearing black. Nobody else was. 'Why is she wearing black? Is she still in mourning for Kikyo, even after all these years? She is quite pretty, but she'll never compare to Kikyo.' He walks up to her and gives her his arm. She takes and he leads her to her seat. He pulls out her chair and she gracefully sits down. "Thank you." He sits down beside her and the servants start to serve the first course.

"I don't mean to be rude, but why are you wearing black?" She looks up at him and he's startled when he sees all the pain and guilt hidden in her eyes. 'How can she hide everything so well from everyone else? Nobody has seemed to notice all the emotion that she hides in her eyes.' "It's because of my sister, my twin. She was killed. I made a promise that I would mourn for her for the rest of my life, until she was reincarnated. We were more then sisters, she was my friend and I loved her." He looks at her sad expression. "I knew your sister. She wouldn't have wanted you to mourn for her all your life." Kagome looks at him with surprise. "You knew Kikyo?" "Yes, I did. And I more then knew her; I loved her. Would you do me the honor of accompanying me to the garden?" He holds out his arms. She nods, places her arm on his, and he leads her out to the garden.

"How long did you know her for? Was she happy?" They sit down on a bench and he looks at her. "I knew her for about a year. She was happy, but she always missed her family, especially you. She was always talking about you. I remember her saying once that you and Kaede were the only people she had ever loved before I came along. I loved her, and she loved me." Kagome smiles sadly. "So you are the one that she was always talking about in letters. We used to write letters to each other and give them to our friend Shippo. He would always deliver them, no matter what happened." He grins. "I remember a young kitsune who would always bring Kikyo letters. Whenever I'd ask what they were, she'd just say that they were a memory from home." "That sounds exactly like something that she would say. I miss her so much." He smells salt water and he starts to panic. "Don't cry! Please, don't cry" She hasn't shed any tears, but he can see them in her eyes.

"Don't worry. I don't cry. I come close at times, but I never actually break down and cry." She looks at her waist and blushes slightly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you this. It's impolite. By the way, I don't mean to be rude, but how did you know that I had tears in my eyes" He looks a bit startled at her question, but decides to tell her the truth. "I could smell your tears. I'm an inu-hanyou. My half-brother, Sesshoumaru, can do it too." She looks a little sad and a coldness enters her eyes. "Oh. Thank you for your concern." He looks a little confused at her sudden coldness.

"It's okay. Would you like to go riding with me tomorrow? Or even better, would you like to have an archery contest? I remember Kikyo saying that you were fond of the sport. I admit that I'm not very good, but there are others in my castle who are." She looks at him coolly. "A ride would be fine, but archery is unlady-like and I'm forbidden from practicing it." "Okay. I will pick you up right after lunch then." She curtsies. "Thank you. That would be fine." She walks back inside leaving a very bewildered hanyou standing in the garden alone.

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"Hello. You must be Lady Kagome's betrothed, Lord Inu-yasha." The young, familiar-looking kitsune is waiting for him to reply. "Yes. I am Inu-yasha. You look familiar. Have I seen you before" The kitsune looks a bit panicked when Inu-yasha asks this, but quickly hides it. "I don't think so, my lord, but if it helps, my name is Shippo." 'That name… Where I have I heard it before...' "I've heard that name before and I know that I've seen you...I remember now. You're the one who used to carry the letters for Kimmf mnf." Inu-yasha bites Shippo's hand. "What the fuck? Get off me." "I don't know why Kagome told you, but nobody else is to know, idiot. It would get Kagome into more trouble then she is already always in." We're going to have to talk, after Kagome and I take our ride." He glares at the kit, then walks inside, Shippo trailing behind him. A maid sees him and run upstairs.

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"Kagome! Lord Inu-yasha is...Oh" "Can't this thing get any tighter? Lord Sesshoumaru says that she is too fat and that her corset needs to be tighter." The petite maid bows to Kagome's mother. "I am sorry, Madame, but the corset is too big. She needs a smaller one, if you want it any tighter." The tiny, black haired maid says all of this with a cute French accent. "Get one of her corsets from when she was younger and put that on her. She must have a tiny waist. Right now she just looks like a cow. And tell Lord Inu-yasha that she won't be coming down for a while. Offer him some tea." The French maid bows and runs out of the room.

"Pardon moi. But are you Monsieur Inu-yasha" Inu-yasha looks up at the French maid. He nods. "I'm sorry to interrupt you, but Mademoiselle Kagome will not be down for a while. I am to offer you some tea while you wait." He sighs. "It's okay. I'm fine." She bows. "Very good, now I must go find one of Mademoiselle Kagome's corsets from when she was younger." She says the last part more to herself then to him as she turns and heads up the stairs. 'Fuck. How long does it take for her to get ready? Wait, that maid said that she had to go find one of Kagome's corsets from when she was younger. Does that mean that she's even skinnier then she looked last night?' He looks at the clock and waits.

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"Finally! What took you so long? Never mind. Just get her into it, now. She has kept her betrothed waiting too long already." The maids and Milan squeeze Kagome into the corset. Her breasts barely fit, but her waist is tiny. They put the riding habit over her corset and she faints. Everybody waits while Sango goes and gets the smelling salts. She sticks them under Kagome's nose and she slowly wakes up. Sango helps her up and she sways, but then walks downstairs.

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'Finally. She sure can take a long time...' his jaw drops when he realizes how small her waist really is. If he wanted to, he could span it with one hand. She looks a bit pale and he wonders what is wrong with her. She slowly walks down the stairs as her mother watches coldly. She trips slightly, but catches herself. "Hello, Lord Inu-yasha. I am ready to go now. I am sorry I took so long. I fainted and the maids had to find the smelling salts." She's wearing a dark green riding habit and he almost hadn't noticed that it wasn't black. He smiles at her and holds out his arm. She takes it and they walk out the door. A stable boy brings their horses.

"Where is Ginger" "I am sorry m' lady, but you are no longer allowed to ride your mare. Ye are to ride Meadow instead. It's an outrage. Ye can ride better then anyone here, yet ye have to ride Meadow, the one horse in thee entire stable that won't go faster then a quick walk and even that isn't very fast. I'm really sorry, m' lady." Inu-yasha helps a very disappointed Kagome into the sidesaddle on the gelding, Meadow. He mounts his horse and they walk their horses down the path.

"By whose order are you not allowed to ride your mare" "I really shouldn't say, but it was most likely your brother, Lord Sesshoumaru. That is where most of the orders come from." "By what right does he have to order you around" "None, except that he is a man and will be the head of my family once he marries my sister, Lady Rin." He glares angrily and growls slightly. "You said 'orders'. There has been more then one" "Of course. He's the one who forbid me from archery. The one who's decided that I was too learned, the one who decided that I was getting too chubby and is making me wear tighter corsets and go on a diet, the one who...Never mind. I believe that you understand." 'Damn! I almost told him. I have to watch what I say.' Inu-yasha looks at her and watches the play of emotions across her face. "Can't you just tell your mother what he is doing and have her make him stop" She laughs, but it's not a cheerful laugh. "Have my mother tell him to stop? Ha! She's the one that most of his orders come through. She agrees with him, she's as close to worshiping at his feet that she can get."

She looks at him sadly, then continues. "Besides, I've found it best just to accept it and do what I'm told. He's a man, and I'm a woman. I must do what I'm told and not question it." An uneasy silence evolves and they don't talk during the rest of the ride except to ask the other which path the other wants to take. They head back and reach Kagome's home. Inu-yasha dismounts, then helps Kagome down. "That was very enjoyable. Thank you." She curtsies. "Yes. It was fun. I have some business to take care of, but perhaps we can do this again sometime." She blushes slightly and nods. "Of course we can do this again. We will be married soon and all you would have to do would be to tell me and we could go riding again." She curtsies again and watches as he mounts his horse again. "Good bye Lord Inu-yasha." "Good bye, Lady Kagome." He waves and she goes inside while he gallops off.

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'I'm going to kill Sesshoumaru! How could he. He broke her spirit so good that you can't even tell that it's broken unless you know her. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about Shippo. He probably will know something about what is going on.' He turns his horse around and makes his way back. When he gets there, he knocks on the door and Shippo answers. Inu-yasha grabs him by the tail, closes the door, and stomps back to his horse. "Okay. Talk. What has my fricken brother done to her? A what kind of trouble is she in" Shippo gets a stubborn look on his face, tightens his lips together, and shakes his head. Inu-yasha grabs him by his tail and starts shaking him. "Tell. Me. Now." "Aaalllrrright. Jjjjuuussst sssstttooopppp ssshhhhaking me." Inu-yasha has set Shippo on his horse, but keeps a good grip on the kitsune's tail as a warning.

"Okay. Your 'fricken brother' as you called him has broken her spirit. She was really cool when she was younger, but then Sesshoumaru met Rin about a year and a half ago. It started slowly at first. Little things. Like a book that she was no longer allowed to read here, and to not being allowed to go into the forest alone there. The things were so tiny that she didn't even notice her restricted freedom until he took away her archery. She fought at that. He told her that it was unlady like and that she was no longer allowed to practice it. Ever since your brother met Rin and started coming around, Kagome has had shadows in her eyes. Recently she has started to lose weight rapidly. She's lost about twenty-five pounds since three months ago. Now she's back into the corsets that she used to use when she was my age, until her mother has a chance to go with her to get new ones. It was pressing on her chest too hard and that's why she fainted earlier. It was too small on the top part of her chest."

At this, Inu-yasha blushes slightly, but Shippo doesn't notice and continues. "I don't know what kind of trouble she's in, but she almost always has a lingering trace of fear on her. She keeps a diary, but no human or youkai can open it. It's linked to her self. The only other person who has ever been able to open it was her twin, Kikyo. Nobody else can. You might be able to though. You're not human, or demon; you're both, and I doubt that Kagome thought to seal it against hanyous. Sango, her maid, would probably know where it is hidden. They are best friends, or at least I thought that they were. Kagome hasn't told Sango about the trouble that she's in. Please, don't hurt her, 'kay? She's like a second mother to me." Inu-yasha glares at the kit, then lets go of the tail. Shippo scampers off and Inu-yasha heads back to his home.


	4. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-yasha, much as I'd like to. The poem 'Fear' is my own work, though, so please don't use it without asking and giving me a little credit. Also, the character 'Milan' is my own creation. So, same goes as the poem. "Quotes"talking; 'I don't know what these are called'thoughts; _Dear Diary_entries from Kagome's diary

Attention: To all my loyal readers, this is a revised edition and I changed a couple of minor things. Mostly just slight details, spelling mistakes, and grammar mistakes. I hope you enjoy.

**Fear**

**Chapter Three**

"What the fuck did you do to her? She has no spunk whatsoever. If I had wanted someone that would do everything I wanted, whenever I wanted, then I would pay for a whore! I'm not mating her" Sesshoumaru looks at his brother coldly. "You will mate with Lady Kagome. I have molded her so that she won't say anything if you say, stay away for a week without telling her. You can have your fun, yet you will have her at home waiting for you when you finally decide to come home. You will mate with her, she will turn into a hanyou, and she will bare your pups, period. There will be no arguments. Now leave, I am busy." "No, I will not leave, Asshole. She doesn't have any spirit and I won't mate with her." "You will mate with her. You will marry her in the human tradition, then take her back to your room and mate with her. You will leave your Mark on her, because if you don't then I will know, and she will not leave her Mark on you. For the first two weeks, you won't be allowed out of this house. I expect her to be expecting pups and a hanyou by then." Inu-yasha growls, then stamps out of his brother's study.

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_Dear diary,August 4, 1501_

_I am sorry that I haven't written for a while. I have been busy with preparations for the wedding. Both Rin and I are getting married, together, tomorrow. Maybe if I marry Inu-yasha, he can protect me from his brother. I am nervous though. I have a sense of foreboding, though and I don't understand why. It is probably jus nerves like mother says. This will mean that, hopefully, my mother will finally consider me an adult. I wish that Kikyo was here to share this moment with me. But of course, if she was, then she would be the one marrying Inu-yasha, not me. I miss her, but at the same time, I'm envious of the freedom she had before she was killed. I would rather die free, then live trapped for the rest of my life. But, again, I am too much of a coward to take my life. Milan is telling me that it is time for me to go to sleep, according to Sesshoumaru's orders. It is still light outside, but according to him, I'm going to need my sleep. Good-bye diary. I will write again as soon as I can._

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"I now pronounce you man and wife. The grooms may now kiss the brides." Sesshoumaru bends down and kisses Rin, while Inu-yasha goes to peck Kagome on the cheek. Sesshoumaru elbows him though, and Inu-yasha misses and his lips touch Kagome's. Everybody cheers and the four newlyweds walk out of the church. They climb into their respective carriages and sit down.

Kagome is smiling brightly, the first real smile that Inu-yasha has ever seen on her face. 'I don't wan to do this, but I have to. I have to try to get her to show her spirit again.' "Sit over there. I don't want you near me right now, wench." Kagome stops smiling and looks like she is about to cry, but does what he says and sits on the other bench. A few hours later they come to a stop in order to rest the horses and to eat lunch. The door to Kagome and Inu-yasha's carriage opens and Sesshoumaru and Rin come in. Rin is bright red and her hair is a bit messy. "Kagome, go sit next to your husband like you should. I want you to sit next to him all the time. He is your husband after all." Kagome gets up and transfers to the other seat next to Inu-yasha. Inu-yasha glares at Sesshoumaru, but Sesshoumaru just raises an eyebrow. "Would you like to stay in here for a while, Lord Sesshoumaru" "Sure, Kagome. And just call me Sesshoumaru. We're family now."

"As you wish, Lo...Sesshoumaru." 'Well, he has got her trained well, doesn't he. And he's already marked Lady Rin. That's not surprising. They still smell of musk. It's revolting.' All of a sudden Inu-yasha feels a weight leaning against him. Kagome has fallen asleep and is lying against him. 'She looks so peaceful when she's asleep, but I have to do this. I'm sorry Kagome.' "Get off me. If you're going to sleep, don't sleep on me. I'm thinking." He pushes her off of him and she almost falls off the seat. Rin looks at Sesshoumaru, but he's glaring daggers at Inu-yasha. "I am sorry. I hadn't realized that I had fallen asleep on you. I'll try not to do it again." She leans against the side of the carriage and falls back asleep. After a while Rin falls asleep too, only with one big difference, she's leaning against Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru looks disgusted. What he says, he says only loud enough for Inu-yasha to hear. "Inu-yasha. What do you think you are doing" "I'm trying to get some of her spirit back. I'm not going to mate with her until she can give me a good fight. She'd never survive and you know it. I'm not going to pamper her, no matter how weak she is." After Inu-yasha finishes saying this, he crosses his arms in front of him and gets a stubborn look on his face. They finish the trip in silence.

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"We are here. Inu-yasha, your stuff has been moved to a different wing of the castle. Miroku will show you the way. "Hentai" They hear a crash as Sango hits the guy who has just groped her. "Sango, are you alright" "Yes, I'm fine. Just that pervert over there." She points to the guy who's lying unconscious on the ground in front of her. "Decided to ask me to bear his child, and after I had said no, he grabbed my arse. I think he introduced himself as Miroku." Sango then turns around and grabs hers and some of Kagome's stuff. Other people come out of the castle and start unloading the carriages. Everybody goes inside once Miroku is brought back around with smelling salts.

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_Dear Diary, August 8, 1501_

_I am miserable, dear friend. I am restricted to the castle for two weeks. Inu-yasha hasn't even touched me. I am starting to believe that this will be a marriage in name only. And worst of all, Sesshoumaru hasn't stopped. Even though I have reminded him that I am married to his brother now, he still touches me every time he finds me alone. I wish that I had the courage to sneak out like I used to, but I am too much of a coward. I must go someone is coming in._

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Inu-yasha walks into Kagome's room and sees her hurriedly hide something. 'That must be the diary that Shippo was talking about.' "Hello Inu-yasha. Is something wrong? You almost never come into my room." "No nothings wrong. I just came to tell you that we're sneaking out and going for a ride." Her face brightens for a moment, but then she looks sad. "I am sorry, but I am not allowed out of the castle. Besides, you would be able to sneak out, but if I was with you, we would get caught. Your brother always knows when I try to sneak out." Inu-yasha looks annoyed, but walks out of the room. Kagome gets up and locks the doors, then goes back to her writing.

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_It was Inu-yasha, Diary. He wanted me to sneak out with him and go riding, but it would have never worked. Sesshoumaru always knows where I am and what I am doing. I don't like it, but I accept it. I must accept it. Perhaps after a while he will tire of me. I hope that that day comes soon._

Kagome gets up and hides her diary, then unlocks the doors and walks downstairs. She meets Sesshoumaru on the stairs and immediately becomes frightened. He walks up to her and slowly brings his arms down her shoulders. "Please, I don't..." He pulls her to him and leads her to an empty room.

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"You say that you haven't seen my brother for a while and that you're worried about him? Well, I can help you there. Lets go find him. I can follow his scent." He sniffs the air and Rin and him walk up the stairs. Inu-yasha follows the scent to an empty room and they come upon Sesshoumaru and Kagome. Sesshoumaru is slowly kissing Kagome's neck, but she doesn't move. Inu-yasha can smell the fear coming off of her in waves. "You bastard" Rin has collapsed to the ground and is crying. Kagome faints when she hears Inu-yasha and Sesshoumaru is faced with a furious brother and a dead weight in his arms. Sesshoumaru can't get out of the way and Inu-yasha punches him, knocking him out. Kagome comes to and jumps out of the way before he can land on her and goes over to her sister. "Rin" "Get away from me! You're a slut! You were always getting more attention then me because of your escapades. And now, when I finally find someone that I love, you take him away! Get away from me. You aren't my sister anymore" Rin starts crying harder and Kagome runs out of the room crying. Inu-yasha wants to after her, but he can't because of Rin and his brother.

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"Kagome" Inu-yasha walks into her room and takes look around for her, but quickly realizes that she isn't there. 'Where is she?' A thought hits him and he looks around for her bows and arrows. They aren't in the room and the miko clothes that Kikyo had given Kagome as a gift are gone. "Oh no." He runs out of the castle and to the stable. "Have you seen Lady Kagome" "Yes m'lord. She left about an hour ago. She said that Lord Sesshoumaru had given her permission to ride in the forest on her horse Ginger. A very beautiful horse, Ginger is. Lady Kagome doesn't look like the type who would be able to handle a horse like that, but you shoulda seen her, m'lord. Didn't even need a saddle or a mounting block. Just jumped onto that horse and took off. It was a beautiful sight to see. I'm thinking that she might even be better at riding then you, m' lord." The stable master Myoga is still talking, but Inu-yasha is no longer listening. "What is tonight" Myoga furrows his brow, but answers. "It's the New Moon, m'lord. Would you like me to have one of your horses saddled" "No. I'm fine, but tell me when Lady Kagome comes back. She is supposed to be back by dark." "Yes, m' lord."

'Maybe Kagome left something that would tell me where she went. He walks back to the castle and goes up to her room. He starts looking around, but doesn't find anything. 'Her diary! Why didn't I think of it before? I'll just look for her scent mixed in with the scent of magic. He follows his nose and comes to the wall. He touches the wall and his hand goes through it. He walks through the wall. "I thought that her room seemed smaller. She is more powerful then I thought." He looks around the small room and sees a small box on a table. He goes to the box and opens it. He has a hard time at first, but as his youkai blood starts to wane, it opens. He takes out the book inside, opens it, and starts to read:

_Dear Diary,May 1, 1497_

_I finally got Kikyo to sneak down to the village today. We held on to the bottom of a cart that was going to the village. Nobody even noticed we were missing. It's May Day so we had a lot of fun. We danced with all the other girls and we hid in the forest. None of the boys found us, but Sango did. We laughed for most of the day and had a lot of fun. Kikyo said that she wants to become a Miko, but I don't understand why. I guess that I'll figure it out eventually._

_Kikyo helped me make a barrier so that no demon or human can find you, diary. Only Kikyo and me can get into the secret room that we made. I love my sister and she loves me. I just wish that I was liked as much as my sisters are. I'm always getting yelled at for sneaking out, or for working at my archery. According to Momma, it's unlady-like and I shouldn't be doing it. I don't get it. She never says anything about Kikyo practicing archery. Probably because she thinks that Kikyo doesn't like it and isn't very good. Momma is so easy to fool sometimes. Kikyo loves archery as much as I do and she's really good at it. She practices all the time. Especially when we go riding in the forest. She's not a very good rider, but she's getting better. I'll help her practice her Miko powers and I help her with her riding. If she wants to be a Miko, then I'll help her._

Inu-yasha skips a few pages and starts to read again. This page has a few teardrops on it.

_Dear Diary,February 22, 1498_

_Diary, I miss Kikyo already. It's only been about an hour since I helped her run away. She didn't want to marry either that disgusting Onigumo, or that evil Naraku. We could sense their auras. Onigumo was a pervert. He was so old and he wanted Kikyo so that he could fuck her, I think that's the word that Sango used. And Naraku, he was just pure evil. He wasn't Onigumo's cousin like he claimed. He was like a hanyou reincarnation of him. He somehow was Onigumo, for all that he was no longer human. I miss her so much, but I know that she will be happy. Wherever she decides to go. Besides, Shippo has promised to take letters between the two of us so that we can keep in touch. I'll see her again one day. I know it._

He flips through a few drawings and spells that she's written down. He flips through another few pages and comes to a page that he can barely read because of the tearstains.

_Dear Diary,April 2, 1499_

_This is Kikyo's favorite month, but it doesn't matter anymore. Shippo went to deliver a letter to Kikyo about a week ago. He came back yesterday to tell me that Kikyo had been killed by a youkai. The hanyou that Kikyo told me so much about wasn't there to protect her, but I bear him no ill will. It was not his fault that she went after a youkai the one night that he couldn't protect her. Her last message to me was that if I ever needed help, I was to go to the village that she was at when she died. I doubt that I will ever need help, but if I do, I will go there. I am going to be in mourning until Kikyo is reincarnated. I miss her and I will never stop missing her._

Inu-yasha's eyes widen a bit. 'So I know where she is at now. But why?' He flips a few more pages and starts to read again.

_Dear Diary,May 22, 1499_

_Rin has brought home someone she met at a party. His name is Lord Sesshoumaru, but I like Fluffy better. Momma likes him a lot. I'm pretty sure that Rin and Fluffy will eventually marry. I called him 'Fluffy' to his face and he looked shocked. I'm surprised that no one has stood up to him before. He's such a cold fish. I don't get what Rin sees in him, but I might as well just ignore it like I normally do. I'm going to sneak out again. I've been digging a hole under the wall and I just finished yesterday. I'll dress like a boy and wiggle under the wall. I've never tried it before._

_Dear Diary,May 31, 1499_

_Momma somehow found out about my dime novels. I'm not allowed to read them anymore, but I can hide them and keep reading them. The one that I'm reading right now is really interesting. It's a mystery in which an actress is traveling on a coach and gets robbed. She finds out later that the cousin she was going to meet was murdered and she has to team up with the outlaw who robbed her in the first place to solve her cousin's murder and to find her missing necklace. I'm getting even better with my archery, but I don't like Fluffy. Whenever shows up he corners me. He touches me and I don't like it, but nobody would believe me if I told. Momma likes him too much and he's really charmed my sister._

_Dear Diary,June 1, 1499_

_I am really mad. I'm never going to find out what happens in my novel because Momma had my rooms searched. I wish that I had thought to hide them with you. But I didn't really think that Momma would have my rooms searched. I'm such an idiot sometimes. I have to go. Sango is knocking on my door. She's saying that its time for me to start getting ready for dinner. Lord Sesshoumaru's here and I have to wear a corset. I hate those stupid things. Whoever the idiot who invented them was, should be drawn, quartered, and shot. Momma thinks that I'm getting to be too chubby and has put me on a diet._

Inu-yasha flips to some of the newer entries and starts to read, but stops when he feels his transformation coming over him. He closes the diary and takes it with him. He walks out the wall and goes to his room and changes into the clothes that he had always worn whenever he went to visit Kikyo. Then he leaves.

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"Lady Kikyo? But I thought that you..." "No, I'm Lady Kagome, Kikyo's twin sister. Can you please show me to the Miko of this village" The villager looks a bit confused, but nods his head and shows her the way to a small hut on the edge of the village. "Lady! Someone is here to see you." Kikyo comes out and Kagome goes pale. "Kikyo" Kagome faints and Kikyo runs up to her sister. She brushes a hand over Kagome and she wakes up. "My sister." "Kikyo, but Shippo...He said that you were dead. Are you a ghost" "No. Come inside and I will tell you everything." She helps Kagome up and they walk into the hut.

They sit down and Kikyo begins to talk. "I went after a youkai, as you know. My arrow missed and before I could shoot another one I was almost killed. I was hurt so badly that when the hanyou that I told you about found me...Well, I was barely breathing and my heart was really slow. He thought that I was dead. The villagers picked me up and brought me back to the village while the hanyou went after the youkai and killed it." "Inu-yasha you mean." Kikyo looks a little bit surprised. "You know him" Kagome looks at her sister sadly. "I married him and Rin married his brother." Kikyo looks a bit surprised, but continues. "You are going to have to tell me what I've missed. Well, like I was saying. Inu-yasha killed the youkai, but never came back to the village. My sensei realized that I was still alive, but she didn't trust Inu-yasha, so didn't tell him that I was still alive. Once I was better, I finished my training as a Miko and I now serve this village. Now, tell me what has happened."

Kagome starts talking and she tells Kikyo everything that has happened, from when Sesshoumaru first showed up, to the touching, to him taking away her archery. Kagome told Kikyo everything. "Oh Kagome." Kikyo hugs Kagome and for the first time in a long time, Kagome starts to cry. She hugs her sister back. Suddenly they hear a commotion outside. They walk out of the hut and they see Inu-yasha. A few villagers are trying to shoot him with bows and arrows, but they aren't working.

"Where is she? Where is Kagome" He sniffs the air and looks a bit confused. He looks at the hut and sees the two sisters, but his eyes are focused on only one of them. "Kikyo" He starts to run up to her, but stops when he sees the arrow pointed at his chest. "Kikyo? What is going on." "You're an idiot, Inu-yasha. I loved you, I still do, but you and your brother hurt my sister, my twin." She glares at him and he has a betrayed expression on his face. "It's okay Kikyo." Kagome puts a hand on Kikyo's bow and pushes on it so that it's pointed to the ground, then steps in front of her. "Hello, Inu-yasha. How is Rin doing? Is she still mad at me? Are you still mad at me" He doesn't answer, but tosses a book to her. She catches it and realizes that it's her diary. "Where did you get this? How did you get this" Her aura turns bright red and starts to reach for Inu-yasha.

He takes an involuntary step backwards and shrugs his shoulders. "I'm a hanyou. Your barrier didn't stop me. I got stuck in that little room that you had made for the night." "I hadn't realized that I had forgotten it until I was already half-way here. Did you read it" She hugs her diary to her chest and her aura turns slightly less red and stops reaching for him. "Yes. I did read it. I know what happened, but nobody else does. Both my brother and Rin are locked up. Rin wanted to kill you and fledgling demon powers would have made that quite easy. They're locked in their room with ofudas around all the doors and windows."

"Oh, I guess that means that she hasn't forgiven me." She turns around and walks back into the hut. Kikyo steps forward and raises her bow again. "Get out of here Inu-yasha. I don't want you near my sister." "But Kikyo...The marriage was never consummated. I could get it annulled and we could finally get married." "Leave. Do you even realize how much stress Kagome has been under? You saw how she looked. She wasn't wearing a corset. They couldn't find one that was small enough. Mother was going to get some specially made. What you want...It would kill her. I still love you Inu-yasha, but I cannot allow you to hurt my sister anymore. She loves you and her spirit is so close to shattering...Now please, just leave already." "Okay, I'll leave, but I'm not going far." He runs out of the village and into the forest. Kikyo sighs, turns around, and walks back into the hut. "Kagome? He's gone." She looks around for her and sees her laying on a futon asleep, tears on her face. Kikyo sits down and waits for Kagome to wake up.


	5. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-yasha, much as I'd like to. The poem 'Fear' is my own work, though, so please don't use it without asking and giving me a little credit. Also, the character 'Milan' is my own creation. So, same goes as the poem. "Quotes"talking; 'I don't know what these are called'thoughts; _Dear Diary_entries from Kagome's diary

Attention: To all my loyal readers, this is a revised edition and I changed a couple of minor things. Mostly just slight details, spelling mistakes, and grammar mistakes. I hope you enjoy.

Fear 

**Chapter Four**

Kikyo is walking through the forest with her bow and a quiver of arrows on her back. She has a basket of herbs in her hands and is heading back to the village. Inu-yasha jumps down from a tree and lands right in back of her. He hugs her. "What are you doing here, Inu-yasha? I told you that I wasn't going to let you hurt my sister and you being here will do nothing, but hurt her. I told you to leave for a reason. Now please, let go of me. You're married to my sister, whether you want to be or not." He doesn't let her go so she pushes him away and starts walking back to the village. "Kikyo, wait." He runs after her. She stops and sighs. Then she turns around and prepares to tell him off, but he kisses her and she can't say anything.

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Meanwhile...Kagome trudges along. 'I think I'm lost.' Kagome hears something and hides behind a tree. 'Kikyo? What is she doing with Inu-yasha? I guess Inu-yasha must have followed her.' She watches them. She starts to turn around, but then she sees Inu-yasha kiss her sister. She pales then starts running. She doesn't care where, she just runs.

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"Idiot" Kikyo slaps Inu-yasha. "Do you know what you've just done, or were you too busy trying to figure out how long you had to get away? I sensed her aura right away. You should have been able to hear her, but you didn't! And now, you might have just killed my sister! If this kills her, then you'll never rest in peace. I'll make sure that you stay in limbo for eternity." Inu-yasha blanches and Kikyo runs off after her sister.

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"Kagome! Where are you" Kagome hears Kikyo calling her, but continues to hide her aura and cry. Finally, Kikyo finds her. "Kagome, that wasn't what it looked like. I didn't ask for him to kiss me. In fact, I didn't even want him near me. Kagome" Kagome looks at her sister. "It's okay, Kikyo. You got to him first anyways, so you can have him." Kagome gets up and walks away.

"Kikyo, will you please train me to be a Miko? If Fluffy and Rin ever escape, I'm going to need to know how to protect myself." Kikyo looks a bit confused. "But Kagome, I'll always be here to protect you." Yes, you'll always be here, but I won't. I'm going to travel and I want to be able to protect myself if I need to. "Okay, Kagome." Kikyo gets a gleam in her eyes. "Lets start by learning subduing spells." Kikyo shows Kagome the beads and tells her the words and what to do. She also tells Kagome about other subduing spells, like for instance, the ones that are tattooed on.

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"First time that I'm ever actually glad for the New Moon. Hopefully, so much has been going on that they forgot about it." Inu-yasha hesitantly walks into the village, but quickly gains confidence. "Hey, sir, do you need a room for the night" Inu-yasha flinches because he thought that he had gotten caught. He changes his voice a little bit and answers. "No sir. Thank you anyways, but I have a campsite not too far from here. I came to see the Lady Kikyo because I have a sick friend back there who needs help and I thought that the Lady Miko might be obliged to help him." The man smiles and starts to walk towards the shrine. "I'll lead you to her and she can get some help to your friend." Inu-yasha follows after him even though he knows the way. When they get there, Inu-yasha bows"Thank you." And walks into the small shrine.

"Hello, Inu-yasha. I thought that you might try something like this. Kagome, NOW" Kagome comes out from behind a curtain and closes the door. She gets out a small bag of beads and starts a subduing spell. "What the fuck? What are you doing" Kagome finishes the spell and the beads settle around Inu-yasha's neck. "SIT BOY" Inu-yasha goes crashing to the ground and Kikyo walks up to him and takes his sword. She places it on the altar and watches as Inu-yasha tries to take off the 'collar' as soon as he can sit up again. Kikyo giggles. (A/N: Giggles? Yes, giggles. Remember, this is a very different Kikyo.)

"Kagome collared you and only she can take it off. Now, I suggest that you leave, Inu-yasha. Oh, and just so that you know. The entire village knows what you look like in your human form and walking in here on the New Moon will never work. It was a trap all along." Inu-yasha looks very pissed off, but runs out of the shrine and back to the forest. "That was a good one, wasn't it Kikyo" They look at each other with silly grins on their faces, then break out into laughter.


	6. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-yasha, much as I'd like to. The poem 'Fear' is my own work, though, so please don't use it without asking and giving me a little credit. Also, the character 'Milan' is my own creation. So, same goes as the poem. "Quotes"talking; 'I don't know what these are called'thoughts; _Dear Diary_entries from Kagome's diary.

(A/N: I redid this chapter slightly and it is a little longer now. Sorry it is so slow. It makes more sense now and I hope all of you enjoy it.)

**Fear**

Chapter Five 

"Do you think that maybe he is missing his sword, Kikyo? It sounded like it was important to him from what I've heard." Kikyo smiles at her Kagome and she smiles back. "I doubt it, Kagome. Even though his father gave it to him, it doesn't do anything and Inu-yasha doesn't even like it. Come on, we're almost to the hot springs already. If we don't hurry there won't be enough time before we have to get back." Kagome grins and runs after Kikyo. "I'm coming."

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'I can't believe they still have my sword. I need it back.' Inu-yasha goes running through the forest towards the hot springs.

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"Kikyo, I have my bow and arrows, I can take care of myself and I really want to stay here for now. Besides, I already know a couple of defensive spells and can always just let my aura spread wide enough for you to sense it if I get into trouble. Now go, I'll be fine and you still have your evening rounds to go about." Kikyo is very reluctant in leaving Kagome alone at the hot springs, but finally decides that Kagome isn't going to give in and allows her to stay, besides, they would do her good, or at least that is Kagome's reasoning.

"Fine, okay, but remember, if you get into any trouble, any trouble at all, just spread..." Kagome rolls her eyes and interrupts with an annoyed expression on her face. "Kikyo! Go, leave already, I'll be fine, stop acting like a mother hen who doesn't want to let her chicks leave the nest." Kikyo's eyes narrow at that comparison, but she finally leaves Kagome alone and goes back to the village.

'Finally, I was starting to think that she would never leave. Now I can think and relax without her hovering over me every minute. I know that she is worried about me, but still, you can only take so much before it starts to get annoying.' After that one last thought as Kagome watches her sister leaves, she slides back into the hot water, closes her eyes, and relaxes. (A/N: Not a very good idea, or maybe it is depending on your perspective.)

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Inu-yasha watches as the person he didn't expect slides a little deeper into the water. 'Kikyo, what is she doing here? As long as I knew her, she never wanted to go to the hot springs, but now, she is just sitting there with her eyes closed as if she couldn't have a care in the world. Well, I told her I was going to come back, and here I am, even if it is sooner then I thought it would be.' Inu-yasha stalks quietly over to right behind _'Kikyo' _and before she realizes he is there, pulls her out of the water, turns her around, and kisses her full on the lips. She starts to struggle at first, but quickly her whole body turns to fire and her struggles turn to caresses and her whole body feels like melted wax.

Inu-yasha is in a quite similar state, only instead of melted wax, he feels like he's on fire and is hard as a rock. He can feel the skin shivering under his hands ad realizes that he's never had this strong of a reaction to Kikyo before. He starts to make the kiss deeper when he finally realizes that '_Kikyo's'_ waist is a lot smaller then it had been before. He pulls her wet body away from him slightly and looks into her eyes, only to find that they are dark blue instead of dark violet.

"You're not Kikyo." He can feel Kagome quivering, her muscles tensing and untensing, and the scent of her's and his own desire in the air. "No...I'm...not. She went...back...to the village. Is that why...you kissed me, because you thought I was Kikyo?" She doesn't even wait for him to answer, and even though she is having a hard time just thinking straight and stringing together sentences, she pushes him away and tries to slip her clothes onto her wet body. "I didn't want to admit it, Inu-yasha, but before I even married you, I fell in love with you. I thought that maybe I could tell you, that you would believe me and actually care about me enough to save me, but I guess not. I know that you love Kikyo, you always will. I already told her that she could have you, but she won't. She knew all along that I already loved you and that her becoming your mate would hurt me. She won't hurt me, she refuses to, so I guess you can do what you want with me my husband, my ai."

Inu-yasha looks at Kagome in shock, at her wet clothes clinging to her body, to her wavy hair falling out of it's bun, to the hurt and hopeful expression on her face and he realizes something. 'I love her. I didn't realize it before. I don't know how I could have been such an idiot. I always thought that I saw Kikyo in her, but it was the other way around. She's my chosen mate. I saw her in Kikyo and thought what I felt for Kikyo was love.'

"Kagome, I don't know how I could have been such a baka. I love you and just didn't realize it until now. I don't know how I could have ever thought otherwise, but I did and...I'm sorry. Could you ever forgive me?" "Inu-yasha? SIT BOY! That's for putting me through all this, but after a couple more of those I can forgive you." Inu-yasha winces slightly as he gets up off of the ground and puts his arms around her. "Whatever you want Kagome." She grins and they both smile just before a couple of some ones crash through the brush and attack them.

"Fuck, Kagome get out of the way, it's Sesshoumaru and Rin." Inu-yasha can smell her fear and she doesn't move as Rin goes to attack her. "Kagome!" He dodges Sesshoumaru, grabs Kagome and jumps up to a small cliff where he tries to set her down. I say 'try' because she is clinging to Inu-yasha and won't let go. "Inu-yasha, please...don't let him near me." Inu-yasha growls because he knows who the 'him' is that frightened Kagome so much. 'He's scaring my mate. He can't get away with it!' "Don't worry Kagome. I won't let them hurt you, just let go and stay up here and I'll keep you safe." He jumps off the cliff and is soon fighting off both Sesshoumaru and Rin.

Kagome looks on in shock and fear from the top of the cliff as she watches Inu-yasha fight back against them. There isn't really anything she can do except watch because anything she could try would hurt Inu-yasha too. A few moments later she is still on top of the cliff trying to figure out something she could do to help, when all of a sudden she senses someone behind her and everything goes black as Kagome falls unconscious.


	7. Neccessary AN:

UPDATE!!!!

A major appology to all of my loyal readers and would be readers. I am suffering from major writer's block and that's why I haven't updated. Bowing appologetically and repeatedly I hope to start updating again after this thanksgiving. I am very, very, very, very, very sorry!!!!!! Please forgive me?


	8. Appology

To all my former readers and extremely loyal fans:

I owe all of you a huge apology. I am SO sorry I've been away for so long. I'm afraid I ended up in a fairly bad relationship and my writing suffered for it. However, I managed to get out of it and am in a much better relationship now, a much more stable and healthy one. And, now, finally I once again feel like I can write again. I will try to update and/or edit all or nearly all of my stories in the very near future, starting with _On Unequal Footing_, though I'm not positive where I'll go from there. I will however be doing my absolute best to update as often as possible. Thank you so much for baring with me.


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